scribbling my thoughts before srikanth returns to lab with my cycle key. Then off to the darkness again. I was there for you yest night.. i told you that just am in no state to come out coz my eyes and face were all swollen up. I told you come online but u chose to see movie. I kept msging u moment i got up from my intermittent sleep, and u replied even though u were watching movie. And the last msg you sent was poda good night and that :-). The contents of my msging with her i told you. But still i got the cold treatment. I was more than willing to hear out your woes, but you kept telling no i will tell 2mrw i will tell 2mrw. Now you will give me the diplomatic reply saying that you will manage alone. That makes me more sad. The way u potray it i wasnt willing to give u a comforting shoulder when u were down, or i avoided you and wen she came i didnt have any problem. But thats not the truth and you know it too. You just making yourself believe that coz that makes me look like a well defined bad guy.

Dont worry this time i wont hide in my room like last time. There is more suffering for me to go through. Will be off radar today. Ikka had tot he and muth would go every where to get the sign. But then he overheard muth agreeing to go with someone else. So ikka decided he wont get the signs. Wont be in room. Yet to start with my ppt. Wont start. Wont be in room, you can send people to break down the door if you feel i've locked and sat inside.

So srikanth is back. I am disappearing. Was so excited today is tuesday, meals and omlette. I had saved 20 rs for today's lunch. I was feeling really hungry at night yest around 11 30. checked my purse only 20 rs. i tot 2mrw is tuesday our lunch day together. but wasnt to be. Will remain hungry. Probably now u will see me only 2mrw for review. Leaving my purse and mobile in my black bag in lab. So will be out of reach. PS wont be in room , so wont check mail. This my last update for today. Ikka sad. Ikka will suffer. Good bye.

Muthine ikka

Had my last dream come true today in IIT. Went and ate vegetable noodles. But the experience wasnt as i had expected. Mainly because the skin in my whole mouth had been scared by the hot tea today. Anything touching the top of inside of my mouth left such a burning sensation that my eyes cried out. It was only due to the ice cold water served by SK that i managed to "drain" down the whole noodles. I've decided that my behaviour to you was not right in the moral sense. and i know this means nothing to you now. But i will keep my happenings posted always in this blog. Not as adil, not as adi, not as kukka. But as ikka. My thoughts, my happenings in life, everything. Obviously expecting only one reader (dont know if she will be willing to follow it though). Its true i cant substantiate my actions. But i always want you to be happy. In the sense that those small lies may to you and everyone else be totally wrong and the nth time am doing it. And thinking of it now, i do feel really ashamed. But the moment i said it, the only intention i had was not to make you sad. I know its strange, but its the truth. I wont disturb you with my messages. I know you have suffered more than enough for me. Making me get up in morning, making me work, (not work :-P), hearing scoldings from me. But i also know that i gifted you propably your most memorable times in your life. It a matter of only 16 days and then you wont even see me. Not that you dont want to see me but fate will be like that. Seeing your blood boil and realizing am the one responsible for it makes me feel sooooooooo sick inside. Its my mental condition (not trying to pass the blame), but the truth is at that moment all i wanted was ur happiness. Was scared to blurt out the truth. But am a bad liar, or atleast am very vulnerable to you. But i know that i loved you from the core of my heart and i still do and always will. So i start this blog, to continue my feelings for you. I know the english is plain and straightforward and probably the angry mood that you are right now, will fire in a philosophical sarcastic reply. Yes i was wrong and i am wrong. Through this blog i will keep ikka alive. Noone will ever call me that name again. Your the only one to call me that. I will post all my happenings here as ikka. Hope my muth will keep track of me and if you dont find any updates for a long time, do pray for ikka i assure you ( i know my promise is like the dirt under ur chappal) he would be dead. I know you have killed the ikka in your mind. But he is still alive in me and i will keep him alive. You can argue that you dont want him to be alive. For a person who hardly reads or writes out anything, leave aside his thought, you can imagine how sad i am to take a decision like this. Meet you some day enthe muthe.